Numb time

I don't actually feel like catching up one what I haven't typed about. So deal. Because I know that there are so many people actually reading and caring about what I type about. Whatever. I just really don't care much right now.

I miss home, I don't feel great, I miss my friends and this isn't home. I'm grumpy and sore.  I don't know what I've learned. I have learned something recently, but I can't currently think of something.   My thoughts are jumbled and disorderly and insolent right now because they're grumpy. I keep thinking about how this semester for Chem lab I'm Ms. Cobalt, and that in my language final I've got to write a fifteen page research paper and ehhhh. I am thinking about how Ichigo and Rukia should shut up and make out. I'm thinking about how much I want to go home and be with my friends.

 Laundry can go suck it, I'm a terrible slob, and I just don't care about anything right now. I should care, but I don't. I know that no matter what happens everything will turn out all right. Things just work like that around me.  No matter how awful I do or how much I screw up, I always bounce right back. I'm not some great youth. I'm just lucky. I know that. I'm not the best and I'm not the worst. But, I always manage to seem extraordinary because of some outside circumstances that work in my favor. I totally screwed myself over this semester in chem lab, still came out of it with a 94. I've got a 4.2 GPA that I don't deserve. I'm lucky. That's all there is. I don't listen, I don't take notes,  and I don't do what I'm told.  I'm unruly, bull headed, lazy, and insolent, yet my instructors only say that I'm doing the absolute best and they don't know any way I could do better. They are blind.  It makes me so mad to be able to get away with these things. And yet, the couple times that they did catch me only made me get better at avoiding doing things right. 


And not to mention that I always end up being a matriarchal figure, and I'm told so.  WHY?! I'm (as I've said before) just this little loud mouth white chick that likes to look and listen.  I am a horrible meddler that sticks my nose into other people's business, yet people still come and ask me what to do. My meddling hasn't shown them anything?! I know no more than they do, yet I end up as a matriarch. I don't get it. It makes no sense. I try and make everyone happy, and then I end up so tired and grumpy. But people, all the people. I don't even know right now... 

Languages :)

By now it should be safe to assume that you guys have realized that I am an international person. Where I currently am (which is frankly none of your concern) is even more international than I am. Its really quite an interesting place. I walk through the store, which is English speaking for the most part, and I listen. I hear so many things. I hear various Afrikaan dialects, Spanish, French, German, Korean, Italian, Swedish, Russian, Japanese, Turkish, and one of my favorites, Romanian. They are so, for lack of better terminology, cool to listen to. Each has its own personality. They might sound similar to another, but they are just like a category of person. These are purely my opinion, but here goes.
Russian sounds so angry and powerful.

Afrikaans is free and happy.

Korean is tiny and rushed, oh so rushed.

Italian is fat, jolly, and full.

Spanish is dramatic, yet bright and colorful.

French is dark and mysterious.

German is rough and coarse, yet dignified.

Swedish is meek and jerky. (like stop and start stop and start, not like the person)

Japanese is light and airy.

Turkish is warm, homey, and sweet.

Romanian, its special to me, so it sounds regal and like ancient power.

After I sat and thought about this, I figured I should try and describe what English sounds like, but I can't. I just can't come up with a description that I like for English. English is my home language, so its so familiar I can't describe it beyond that, familiar and warm. When I start speaking German, it feels different on my tongue than English does. When I speak Spanish, it feels different on my tongue than English. When I speak Italian, it feels different on my tongue than when I speak English. Heck, Hindi feels different than English. And I've been hearing Hindi all my life as well.

Now on to recent events. More packing for my trip coming up. I've got a big duffle bag sitting along my bookcase taking up all the dang room on my floor because I've gotta get this stuff together and keep it together. Well at least it will be worth it in time.

I'm gonna finish this up and go to bed soon. Alright, this lesson, lists do help, no matter how nerdy they seem. They are a tool, nothing more. You don't think that you're to cool to use a screwdriver, right? So why be too cool to use a list?

I maded a something :D

I think my brain is numb. I don't even know. I did get into a crafty mood though and make a pretty thing. :) Its mostly words, but words are what I'm best at. Not that you could tell from here, but trust me, my visual art skills are worse than my literary art skills. I'm not an art person, AT ALL.

Today I was finally trusted with the key, freaking thanks. I have to live here over a year and get locked out however many times before I'm finally trusted with the key.  Geee thanks guys. And its not like I'm ten or anything, just remember that, please? Its much better to do homework on a couch or even on carpet than in a stone stairwell. Especially in northern Europe in Winter. It sucks. 


Now, today I had to go do part of the shopping for this outdoor ed trip I'm taking early next month. I needed noncotton pants because when you're out in thick snow, the worst thing to wear is cotton. It gets wet, stays wet, gets cold, and lowers your body temperature. I am a short bitty girl, (read: Little white chick)  so finding pants that are short enough for me in the legs and yet still give me enough room for my thighs is hard.  (I run and used to ride horses so I'm kinda big around the thighs.)  I was walking around the store and we were looking for pants for my brother. I turn and see some pants that look to be about my length. I pick them up and start looking. I get an idea. I went and tried them on, turns out they were actually too big! So I went a size down and BAM. Got the pants for my trip. They were identical to the womens, only twenty dollars less, didn't have a giant butt that I can't fill, fit my legs, and it made me realize that I can fit almost all the little boys clothes in that size.  It has made things so much easier now.  I can finally buy clothes that are actually clothes.  The girls clothes here are all so, fashiony? Faddish?  Well they aren't sensible clothes for sure.  Half of the things I can't figure out to wear.  Another portion I won't wear because I am not a 'ghetto queen' or 'shawty' or 'bootylicious'.  Get the idea of what I'm working with?  There is like one-fifth of the actual marketed items here that I'll buy. When that is out of only a hundred or so choices, things aren't looking so hot.

Lesson for today, keep your mind open and explore all your choices.  The most surprising one will turn out to fit you just right. ;)

Things are pretty awesome

I MADE THE FREAKING SPORTER TEAM. AND WHAT. I'm so happy about that :) <3 I know that my best friend would be proud if she could see me shooting. 

Oh, and by the way, the sporter team is the jv shooting team for my school.

Now, back to that about me and my best friend.  She is so into all the guns and hunting and stuff like that.  And I'm just happy that I can do this and make her happy.  Not to mention that everytime I pull the trigger, I feel so powerful. I love doing it and then checking my score and finding that hole right in the middle of my target. Like a freaking baws.

I also got to go to a big fancy event where there were body guards everywhere and ball gowns and men in uniform (Yummy! ;)  Only I wasn't there as a guest, I was opening doors in uniform for all the important people that were actually invited.  I did get a special coin and credit for the event, so I'm happy. 

A couple weekends ago I also went to this really big indoor amusement park and did this thing where I got harnessed up and walked on some logs that were three stories in the air. :) From the group I went with, two girls and two guys went up together to do it, only me and one guy actually did it.  And vertical slides are fun, but oh so freaking scary. I jammed my shoulder a bunch on it XD  What else?

OH. The lesson! duh. Well we were at the park place cause one of the girls I know here is leaving. Well she is already gone now, but anyway. While we were there (Side note: We are in Europe so things are different) we started talking and playing spin the bottle with my apfel schorle //look it up// bottle.  Then the girl who was leaving busted out and just goes, "It smells like sweat and shame up here." Yup. That is about right. Teenagers do indeed smell of sweat and shame. For good reason mind you!  So be good little chicks, or else you too shall regain your smell of sweat and shame. 

Aww, I miss you guys!

So it should go without saying, that when a team practices five days out of a seven day week, they're gonna get pretty close and develop inside jokes and signature lines/roles for each other.  Me having to move, totally ripped all that stuff away from me. I was practicing with my new team though, and something randomly happened that made me laugh and tear up and almost had to walk away.  One of the guys that taught us at my last school had this phrase he'd say all the time to get us to do it again.  He'd call out, "One mo' 'gain! Come on guys, one mo' 'gain and we're done!" And such like that. Yesterday, one of the guys here did that. I really don't know how to describe what went through my head after that.

I know that after he busted out with that I was teary eyed.  I wanted even more to do well and make the guy who used to say it proud.  He taught me so well and its kinda like having him with me again. That would be amazing. I just kinda went numb after that.  My saber didn't hurt to hold up, all more soreness from the gym just kinda went away, my ankles weren't stiff from standing still anymore.  I didn't feel anything really.  It was just an overload hearing that one phrase. To make it mean a little bit more to me, I had never said anything about the guy at my last school saying it.  This guy just said the same thing that my last guy said, and it was totally unprompted.

Lesson?  You never know when your past will come back to you.  It will come up and help you in the most random times.  And it makes you remember why you're doing what you do, and who you do it for.

I'm learning more and more that my last school was so much better than I ever gave it credit for.  I'll never stop using the lessons I learned there. It was a school for character and personality, but not necessarily academics.  Thats okay with me though.


Bye my little chickies!

Internet, sometimes I loathe you.

I know that I'm going to get crap from all of my instructors, but I'm okay with that. I procrastinated and that is bad. I didn't do what I should have, and I know that. I'm just mad that I didn't make myself do right. I'm mad that I let myself go so badly. It was the holidays and all, but I didn't do a damn thing. That is bad. I'm going to go to sleep now and pick myself up by my bootstraps when I get up tomorrow. I'm gonna do as I should and stop screwing up.

Little chickies, just do what you should.  You know what it is, just do it and get it over with, like ripping off a bandaide. Just hurry up and do it.