Numb time

I don't actually feel like catching up one what I haven't typed about. So deal. Because I know that there are so many people actually reading and caring about what I type about. Whatever. I just really don't care much right now.

I miss home, I don't feel great, I miss my friends and this isn't home. I'm grumpy and sore.  I don't know what I've learned. I have learned something recently, but I can't currently think of something.   My thoughts are jumbled and disorderly and insolent right now because they're grumpy. I keep thinking about how this semester for Chem lab I'm Ms. Cobalt, and that in my language final I've got to write a fifteen page research paper and ehhhh. I am thinking about how Ichigo and Rukia should shut up and make out. I'm thinking about how much I want to go home and be with my friends.

 Laundry can go suck it, I'm a terrible slob, and I just don't care about anything right now. I should care, but I don't. I know that no matter what happens everything will turn out all right. Things just work like that around me.  No matter how awful I do or how much I screw up, I always bounce right back. I'm not some great youth. I'm just lucky. I know that. I'm not the best and I'm not the worst. But, I always manage to seem extraordinary because of some outside circumstances that work in my favor. I totally screwed myself over this semester in chem lab, still came out of it with a 94. I've got a 4.2 GPA that I don't deserve. I'm lucky. That's all there is. I don't listen, I don't take notes,  and I don't do what I'm told.  I'm unruly, bull headed, lazy, and insolent, yet my instructors only say that I'm doing the absolute best and they don't know any way I could do better. They are blind.  It makes me so mad to be able to get away with these things. And yet, the couple times that they did catch me only made me get better at avoiding doing things right. 


And not to mention that I always end up being a matriarchal figure, and I'm told so.  WHY?! I'm (as I've said before) just this little loud mouth white chick that likes to look and listen.  I am a horrible meddler that sticks my nose into other people's business, yet people still come and ask me what to do. My meddling hasn't shown them anything?! I know no more than they do, yet I end up as a matriarch. I don't get it. It makes no sense. I try and make everyone happy, and then I end up so tired and grumpy. But people, all the people. I don't even know right now...