So here I am. Sitting around, studying, procrastinating, and thinking. I'm biding my time until finals come around and I can finish this semester. Watching things play out around me is really so much more entertaining the older I get. There just seems to be more. While youthful play is adorable and complex, most especially in their mimicry of the adult world, there are so many more facets to actually being an adult than little kids are aware of. Yesterday I watched a bunch of 21-26 year olds flounder about trying to figure out how to take care of a house hold goods shipment to where ever they are moving to after graduation. While I'm not saying that I'd know how to take care of it, lord knows that I don't, that is still an example of something a kid wouldn't even think of emulating.
In a few weeks I'm going to a wedding. At this wedding I'll know a grand total of three people. And yet I'm going traipsing up to Baltimore in my uniform with my little anchors and I'm gonna play nice and try and make everyone like me. This is really a terrifying thought. How do guys deal with all this?! This wedding is for my boyfriend's cousin and her soon to be husband. For me though, this is where I get to meet a bunch of my boyfriend's family and see what they think of me. I feel like I'm approaching the executioners block. This wedding going over well is really important to me. I know he's going to play it off like it doesn't really matter so much, because it probably doesn't, but it means a lot to me. I really want his family to like me. I've met one of his cousins, an uncle, and his parents, and they all liked me well enough. His cousin talks to me more than my own do! But I digress, this is intimidating. His family will not dictate what happens in our relationship, but it would certainly make things a hell of a lot easier down the road. This summer I'll get to see him for a wonderful four days. And those four days aren't even in succession. I see him for two days in June, and then two more days at the end of July. That adds a whole new level of pressure on the wedding because I don't want one of our few interactions this summer to be full of tension between me and his family. I just really hope they can see how much I want to play nice with all of them. The fact I want to play nice is incredible really...
In the middle of me freaking out about this wedding with my boyfriend, the rumor mill has been churning out information at full speed. Apparently I'm dating a second class, while I'm fucking a youngster who is roommates with one of my good friends. Well then, I'd like to know when I have time for all this? Three males at one time? PSH. No girl has time to pet that many egos... I've been telling my boyfriend about this and he laughs each time. I do feel bad telling him about what people say, but I do think that he needs to know about it. If I were to hide it, then I'd feel like I was doing something wrong in that. I honestly don't know how to resolve that situation but to be brutally honest and be like, oh hey look, apparently I'm getting more action than I realized. Can someone tell me when that happened so I know who I'm servicing when? Or something like that. I mean really, how else are we supposed to deal with it? To just get mad and say it isn't true would make people even more suspicious of me and try and read into everything I do for some sort of falsehood or misstep.
The youngster though I do feel bad for. I actually quite liked spending time with him, not fucking. That hasn't happened. Just for the record. It's a totally platonic friendship. I give him crap for getting distracted and having perpetually sad eyes while he teases me for being the size of a dragonfly and having a sad smile. He's doing a semester abroad next semester though. He leaves for that in roughly five weeks. Now this guy does need a little bit of back story. He and I are what you'd call a third culture kid (Look at this, it really explains a lot of our backgrounds without being too invasive. Or even really specific in any way.) One of the things I've observed third culture kids doing repeatedly, and subconsciously, is that when our little alarm inside goes off saying oh we're moving again we/they withdraw from everyone except the closest little shell of friends and relatives. Usually leaving them with a total of four or five -ish people to interact with in any sort of affectionate/close/friendly way. Then there's one last good day. Where things are great and everyone acts like everything is normal. And for the outside world it is. But the TCK knows what's going on. The TCK knows that this is all false. That everything is about to change and the world is going to shift once again in what is really just a succession of shifts. Then it comes. Then there's the divide. Which in this case will be when he leaves. When he comes back, this whole process is going to be in reverse. Which also isn't the best situation. But to wrap that around to how this relates to me and him, the fact that he understood where I was coming from made me just really freaking happy. This place is actually unusually homogeneous. I say oh I'm from Germany and everyone flips a shit. Then there's all the questions. Not with him. It's just face value. Oh okay I see, hey you see this shit? That dude just went flying off a ghetto slip and slide. End of story! So yeah, I'm gonna miss that a bit. But now because everyone is all like oh look at those two hurr da durr he's withdrawing faster than before. So I suppose this is goodbye for now. Between us at least.
There's still some time before the end of the semester, but dang. Where did it all go...
No comments:
Post a Comment