Woah, its been two months since I've returned to this little project of mine. I'm sorry? But I guess it was because I haven't needed it. Recently I've been going out with friends more, been doing more, and just generally feeling better. But then I crashed. I got so freaking tired. Just plain exhausted. I guess even that is going away now. Its almost time for me to get back to work, and thats okay. I'm good with that now. I know its fine. I think that was kinda the problem. I was clueless for a while. Ah, who am I kidding, its not like any of you know whats going on in my life. You guys do, however, know what it is to just be tired. Thats all. Just tired.
Since I'm done just babbling about things you're clueless on, I guess I'll tell you what's up. I have been shooting more recently. I start again next week. We had a week off, Spring Break-WOOOO, but not really. I would actually rather have been able to shoot that just sat at home. Even though I got to sleep more. Shooting is a lot funner now. I've moved up a class, and I'm really proud of that. I keep making careless mistakes though. I really really really need to stop that if I want to move up again. I always need to be getting better. I think I am, but I need to do even better. My instructor shows a lot of faith in me and has helped me deal with the other instructor. He even helped me get the position I was supposed to have gotten earlier this year but was denied for an invalid reason. That made me really happy.
In a couple weeks I have to go to an induction (its mine. I'm joining a group) and its a semi-formal event. My family is spazzing out about what they need to wear. And they seem to forget that I don't have anything. I have blue jeans, shooting gear, (horse) riding gear, uniforms, and ONE ball gown. Thats all I have. Nothing suitable. They'll come through though. I hope. I mean they've only left me SOL a couple times XD.
During my time in the real world I have also had to deal with boys. Oh so many boys. I've pretty much stopped hanging around girls. Frankly, they're to hard to be friends with. They (we? D: ) are so freaking picky and bitchy and catty. The guys, they're just chill. They beat each other, get it overwith, then go have a drink together. That makes sense to me. Let the person know whats going on in your head! Don't sit there and scheme and make everything harder than it has to be. Which is what most of the girls I see do. Then of course they start telling me they're into me. I feel bad, but no. I'm not doing that. That is one part of my life I'm not going to tell you guys about, but I will tell you that I'm not looking. I'm not going to accept ANY advance right now. So far, I'm on my third friend zone in three weeks. One of these boys, he is actually a challenge. He doesn't stop. He doesn't push forward and irritate me though. He slinks up behind my defenses and scares the crap out of me. By the time I realize he is that close to me, I've got to spazz, do something stupid, and push him out to arms length again. I was really quite glad that over spring break I wouldn't be able to see him. Some time apart is good.
Another one of my boys is busy chasing after his girl. (not me thank god). He is so funny to see. He knows the things to do, and is really sweet and pretty hot but has like no confidence with girls. You put him in our ROTC unit, and he is good. He oozes confidence and control. He was dumped into a third year spot as a second year and took to it like a duck to water. He is confident, except when it comes to girls. Even around me, he sometimes breaks into those tendencies. But I have managed to stop most of it. He is more relaxed around me now than he was before. Which I'm glad about. I want to help my boys, not scare the crap out of them. XD (or screw them, or date them, or kiss them, or anything. JUST help and be friends with)
Yet another one of my boys is recovering from a bad break up. His ex-girl and I are actually pretty good friends. One of the things that started getting to him though was our friendship. She and I would run up and hug each other every morning and usually during lunch and after class most days. She wouldn't let him hug her and just hold her like when we were all sitting around. She'd wiggle away and claim she didn't like the contact, and then plop herself into my lap. They ended up splitting, obviously, and things got weird. He went (and still partially is) bonkers and was so freaking upset. She just cried a while and felt guilty a bit and moved on. To another boy. When she claimed she couldn't handle another relationship. My boy almost went completely apeshit at this. But then her new squeeze moved. A week after she said she liked him. She said it Friday, by next Friday he wasn't even in this country anymore. That's all that saved my boy from a meltdown/blowup. Whichever you choose.
About back home, I get to talk to my best friend everyday now. :) Somedays its only for two hours, some days its all day long. Its okay though. As long as I get to talk to her and know everything is okay back home it makes it a bit easier to work through the day here. Another friend of ours started talking to me and was asking for something from here. Which I'm okay with. I'll send her something, once I have money! XD I mean, she was a great friend when I was there and helped my best friend a whole hell of a lot after I left. Which I appreciate so much. It makes me happy to know that someone else will look out for her when I'm gone. :) I must sound like I died or something, but you guys should get what I'm saying. I know my girl can look after herself, better than most for that matter, but it just makes me feel better knowing she isn't having to go it alone.
I should wrap this up for now. I'll probably wait until tomorrow to add to it. But hey, thats okay. I doubt much could get me worked up right now. Now watch, tomorrow I'm gonna be an emotional wreck... Just kinda in a neutral place for now. My lesson for this post: Just let it go. You can't change the past. You can change the present and future, you can change the results of things, but you can't change what's already done. Holding onto that and staying upset won't help anyone. Let it go and move forward. It helps.
I return to this, and I find this little blurb:
"I'm sitting here doing chemistry stuff and drinking my hot chocolate when I hear on a commercial, "My god I love you. Both of you take your clothes off." Said by a very gay sounding voice. And then something about fashion people. Do what.
Pockets of a teenager
day made by headbanging
electronica electronica techno pop pop electronica country pop techno METAL."
-2/4/12
I'd really love to know what was going on....
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