Maybe...

Recently I've sort of wanted to just stop. I'm already tired of jumping through everyone else's hoops so that I can check little boxes so that I can benefit myself later on. Well right now it doesn't feel like it's doing any good. It feels like I'm gonna waste away my youth on miserable pursuits to please everyone else. While what I want for me falls flat on the ground. I do want what I want, but I can't do everything expected of me. I just can't I'm afraid I'm going to go bloody bonkers trying. 

And I'm so tired of people thinking that when I get frustrated for being second guessed it's immediately because I'm gonna use the female thing. NO. First off, don't second guess me for being a female and there won't be a problem. BUT. If you do second guess me and it's not cause I'm a female, I might actually be able to respect that. If you saw me falter and use that to wonder at my abilities, fair enough. But if you just judge me before seeing my skills, then poo on you. That is when I'll get mad. If you do the same thing to others, so what. I'll get mad on their behalf too. You're obviously a shit leader.

OHHHH. LEADERS. THEY INFURIATE ME SO. That's a rant for another night. But I've got quite the mouthful on that. 

Meanwhile, today one of my marksmanship teams competed and we won, like we always do. Our pack leader faltered, but so did I. Our third shot up to the top. Our second, me, dropped to four. Our six came up to two. We were all wonky. But it's okay. After all the strings pulled to get me to shoot this weekend, I can live with that kind of score. I messed up, and that's okay. I'm happy with me for once. So I don't mind this slip as bad as I do some. I'm okay with me. 

You know, as I type that it feels really good. I'm okay with me. I'm happy with what I did. Well not exactly happy... But I can live with it and not hate myself. That's a nice day. 

Chickies, don't let others choose your path. It's yours and ONLY yours. Your family, bloody, friends, Sig. O., teachers and whoever else doesn't chose for you. That's yours. And baby if you don't take your chance you're a damn fool.